


in this room where you should be

by hourglassmermaid



Series: Shadowhunters Prompts [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Cleaning as a Distraction, Edom Angst (Shadowhunter Chronicles), Emotionally Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt Magnus Bane, M/M, POV Alec Lightwood, Post 3x10, Self-Harm, Show Typical but Still, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-05-07 02:40:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14661624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hourglassmermaid/pseuds/hourglassmermaid
Summary: [Prompt] 19. “I’ve missed this.”Alec reaches into his pocket and draws out the omamori charm. “This was supposed to bring you luck and protection, not me.” He clutches it in his fist, grasping at the only lifeline keeping him tethered to his Magnus. He presses the fabric to his lips and pockets it once more.





	in this room where you should be

**Author's Note:**

> It's me again, back at ya with another tumblr prompt! This time, we have a healthy dose of Edom angst in preparation for tomorrow's finale. I promise these are all being written; it's more of a marathon than a sprint, though. 
> 
> This one was actually beta read by my lovely beta, [Meyer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meyer)!
> 
> Come find me on [tumblr](http://hourglassmermaid.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/izzylightbane) for more fun(?)!
> 
> Title comes from [Hearts](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQ0czIaMZ4M) by Jessie Ware. 
> 
> Enjoy! :)

Stepping into the loft feels more like a chore than coming home. Magnus is everywhere and nowhere simultaneously, filling Alec with a longing he can’t seem to silence. Little droplets of onyx nail polish stain Magnus’ desk, but there are no languid drags of his fingers that tickle Alec’s spine. Magnus’ spell book rests open, dogeared on a fragmented healing spell, but the twinkling flicks of his wrist and swirling blue smoke are absent. His paisley cravat hangs precariously over the chair, but Alec’s only left with memories of anxious hands racing to undo his shirt buttons. 

Magnus is a whisper in his mind that Alec can’t reify. 

Alec reaches into his pocket and draws out the omamori charm. “This was supposed to bring _you_ luck and protection, not me.” He clutches it in his fist, grasping at the only lifeline keeping him tethered to his Magnus. He presses the fabric to his lips and pockets it once more. 

He gets to work because if he stays idle he’ll bash his fucking brain in. Plus, Magnus would probably prefer to return to an immaculate apartment rather than one littered with dust and cobwebs. Because Magnus _is_ returning — Alec just wishes he knew when. 

Alec fills a bucket with bleach and hardly dilutes it. Blisters and burns are a welcome reprieve compared to the suffering Magnus is enduring. Suffering Alec can do nothing about. He reaches his brush into the bucket. Magnus could be bleeding out in a ditch somewhere for all Alec knows. He gets on his hands and knees and scrubs at the linoleum floor. He could be ragged and battered and fighting Asmodeus with every last ounce of his power. Alec scrubs. Magnus could be dead, and Alec’s stuck here playing the doting soldier’s wife. Alec scrubs at the fucking floor until the bleach sears welts into his skin. He’ll _iratze_ them later. Or maybe he won’t. 

He slumps back against the counter. The tidal wave Alec’s kept chained inside threatens to spill over. He’s not strong enough. He’s never been strong enough. How is he supposed to go on when Magnus is risking everything? 

Alec slams his fist on the ground, agitating the sores. “Dammit!” he cries, before winding up for another blow. There’s barely any force behind the second hit and even less behind the third and fourth. By the seventh, he just rests his palm on the cool linoleum, trying to find purchase so he won’t crumble into a thousand fractured pieces.

“Come back to me,” he whispers, tears falling onto the floor below him. “I can’t lose you too.” 

He must fall asleep in his post breakdown exhaustion because the next thing Alec remembers is the kiss of sweltering heat licking at his jeans. He recoils, drawing into himself. His vision clears as the thick haze of sleep melts away. Alec scans the room until his eyes settle on the flaming pentagram commanding Magnus’ apothecary. Could it be?

Alec can’t get up fast enough. He clamors across the loft, his body still partially comatose but his mind more alert than it’s been in days. The flames fizzle out, leaving behind a trail of char and soot and— 

Alec drops to his knees and clutches Magnus’ crumpled form to his chest. His clothes are torn to shreds, grit cakes his face, and scratches fester on his exposed torso. He’s never looked more gorgeous. 

Magnus’ eyes flutter open, eyelashes dancing along the soft skin. Alec caresses his bruised features. He is going to memorize every last detail of Magnus’ face, lock away the beauty and the mystery and never let go. 

Magnus reaches up a trembling hand and grazes Alec’s cheek. “Hey.”

Leaning into Magnus’ touch comes as naturally as archery. Alec closes his eyes, losing himself in the grounding stroke of Magnus’ hand. Alec is still drowning in a tsunami of despair and desperation, but Magnus is his lighthouse, cutting through the storm to bring him home. 

Alec tugs him into a frantic kiss. He needs to make sure that Magnus is real — that Magnus is here. They move together as if they were old dance partners who had long since memorized the steps. It’s all instinct; it’s all familiar. They don’t need to think, just act. It’s beautiful and amazing and everything that Alec’s been missing. The warmth of love and adoration and just _Magnus_. Kissing Magnus reminds Alec how it feels to truly live. 

“I’ve missed this,” Magnus whispers once they part. 

The phantom press of Magnus’ kiss lingers on Alec’s tongue. “I’ve missed you.”

“I won’t leave you again,” Magnus reassures. “I promise.” 

They spend the night fading into their own little world, avoiding the war they’ll need to fight tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! Feel free to scream at me in the comments!


End file.
